Girlfriend Application

Section ONE (Multiple Choice)

1. It's Friday night...you're chillin' at my house and we're watching a romantic comedy. During one of the sad/slow scenes...I accidentally pass gas. Well not accidentally...but let's just hypothetically pretend that I didn't mean it. How would you react?

A) Get up and leave the room
B) Get up and pause the movie and then leave the room
C) Fart and say "thank god...I thought I was the only one"
D) A bag of walnuts

2. You've brought me over for dinner with your parents and I end up wearing those baggy jeans that make me look so 'thugged out' and hobo-ish.

A) You send me home to change
B) You let the night play out and hope your father doesn't talk to you to death after I leave
C) You tell your parents that I'm a random homeless guy you found on your front porch and that the right thing to do is feed me and pretend to be in a relationship with me
D) Watermelon kicks so much ass

3. We've been dating for 3 months and I bring you to chill with my friends. One of two of them put the moves on you...what do you do?

A) Tell me and hope I don't get mad at my friend
B) Keep it a secret...and give the dude your number
C) Ignore the guy and not tell me to avoid drama
D) My cat is only useful when it's really cold and you need something to cuddle with

4. You're at my house and you end up using my computer and somehow find my secret folder full of porn. What do you do?

A) Close it and pretend you didn't see anything
B) Start watching the videos and hope no one comes in...including me
C) Delete my porn and then finally give me 't3h s3xxx'
D) MTV's The Hills is an addictive show

5. Your phone breaks...so you borrow mine for a call. During the time which one of my female friends call. What do you do?

A) Tell them you're my girlfriend
B) Don't answer and tell me someone called
C) Hang up...erase the history and her name from my contact list
D) Rap music sucks

6. So we've finally decided to see each other naked...and I take off my shirt and you see my fat belly + man titties. What do you do?

A) We compare bra sizes
B) You rub my belly for good luck
C) You point and laugh and then punch me in the nuts and bid me goodbye and a "have a nice life"
D) Being lactose intolerant sucks

7. We're at a bar with friends and you start drinking a little too much. I tell you to take it easy...

A) Do you tell me to piss off and then finish drinking your bottle of Grey Goose
B) You stop...and start drinking water instead
C) You keep drinking because you're getting a ride home
D) I need a new pair of white shoes

8. It's my Birthday...we've been dating for 8 months. What would your present consist of?

A) Some vaseline...a banana and some duct tape.
B) A new iPod with all my favourite tunes already on it
C) A treadmill for my fat belly
D) An ankle monitor to keep track of my slutty ass

9. It's 'date night' and I've decided to cook you dinner and watch a movie. What type of movie would you like?

A) Horror/Scary/Suspenseful
B) Action/Adventure/Comedy
C) Drama/Romance
D) Smut porn

10. If I asked you to fill out a 'girlfriend' application on facebook...would you...

A) Fill it out
B) Laugh and say "what a loser!"
C) Fill it out and laugh and say "what a loser!"
D) Fill out but not laugh and still say "what a loser!"
E) Say "what a loser" and then hit me up on MSN like "fuck that...here's my application *insert phone number*"

Section TWO (Yes or No)

1. Do you like Roller coasters?
2. Do you like video games?
3. Do you smoke cigarettes/weed?
4. Do you have a drinking problem?
5. Would you mind if I came home from a hard days work smelling like oil, burnt metal and wood chips?
6. If during sex I handed you a strap on and said "Now you do me"...would you go through with it?
7. The way I dress sucks...would you try to change me?
8. I'm poor...would it matter?
9. Would you ever just want to hang out and not do anything? Just sit and stare at each other?
10. Isn't this fun?

Section THREE (Personal message)

In 200 words or less...explain to me why you'd like to date me.